remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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