the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
