Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
