i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's always time for handjobs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
