When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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