New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
