FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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