I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
