So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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