I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
