You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
