Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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