New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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