everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
