I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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