We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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