How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's the barista slut.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
