Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
