he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
