Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
These tits shall not be calmed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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