the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
