none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
