oh god the rape fog is back!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
