The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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