Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
