Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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