haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
