I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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