dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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