Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Porn is love you can see.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
