You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
