I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
