Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
