Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
