I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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