I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
