Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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