Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
