Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
