the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm jealous of your bromance
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
