Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
