You really coming over, don't trick.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
