thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
