i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
