return my video game
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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