So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
