I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
