Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
