i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
