4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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