I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
