I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
