If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
